My bones are definitely creaking. I can’t deny it. Somehow along the aging process, I mistakenly took these creaks and small pains as a need to limit myself. Once I started thinking I couldn’t do a certain thing anymore, I’d add it to the list of “The Forbidden.” Before I knew it, I’d shrunk my life. In essence, I started living in fear.

A couple of years ago, a playing card in a board game asked me and my friends what we feared. One friend said vermin, another said failure, another said eating seafood. I honestly couldn’t come up with anything. I hadn’t realized I didn’t fear anything.

That was then. Fast forward almost ten years and well over ten pounds. A calendar says I’m older. I’ve even changed age brackets. I have a different job and work more hours. Perhaps that is partly why I stopped doing morning yoga. Which caused me to I stop skiing. And then I stopped watching what I ate. I stopped following all of my routines, especially the good ones. And in return, I stopped believing I could do anything.

If asked now what I feared, I’d say blowing out a knee, hurting my back, breaking an appendage, and ripping the seams of my pants in public. I’ve even started to go to bed hours earlier. No more reading or binging watching TV until the stillness of the early morning. That would make me irresponsible. I’ve started to limit myself.

I’m reminded I started my limitations twenty years ago when I announced there would be books I’d never read and recipes I’d never make. Time was running out for me then. In my mind. Imagine all the additional books and recipes I could have accomplished in those twenties years if instead I had pushed myself.

I’m not quite sure how I figured out this year I was holding myself back. I believe it was witnessing a friend my age picking up an exercise we used to do. I had actually been thinking of it myself—running—but wondered if I was “too old” and my knees “too vulnerable.” But if he could do it, why couldn’t I? So I am.

I was asked by teens if I wanted to play laser tag. Like running around and shooting a laser gun? Ok, let’s give it a try. I loved it!

Free tickets to an amusement park? I hadn’t been in years. I initially figured I’d be satisfied just walking around but soon found myself joyfully screaming on roller coasters. Now I’m looking forward to going back next year!

And this past weekend, I rode my first horse. The owner was surprised to learn my age. I guess there are others like the “old me” who wouldn’t have started a new physical activity. I’m already planning a return trip next spring for a sunset ride and overnight stay in a tepee.

So, here’s my new (renewed) philosophy. There’s nothing I can’t do. I can read all the books I want. I can make all the recipes I want. I can climb any mountain, ski any slope, walk any distance, wear (almost) any outfit. I’ve ripped up “The Forbidden” list.

I also have my dreams back. I can create any life I want. Including that as a professional, successful writer. It’s never too late. As long as I believe in myself and shun fear once again. What’s holding you back?